Today when i was helping out in a surgery i put a glove the wrong way round. So while it took me more than a minute to get it the right way round...it got me thinking. Many of my blog articles are about the present. Now lets do something different regarding the future. For once a serious and mature topic. This is a letter from me to my future son. Lets say hes about 20s. Enjoy
(Thanks a lot Shristi for the inspiration for this entry ;) )
**********
Dear son,
If you are reading this then this means that they ripped me off on the vasectomy surgery oooooor I may have forgotten something on a certain night.
First I would like to apologize that you had to wear pink tight t shirts with unicorns for most of your junior schooling. Its because I read the sonogram wrong and I thought that i was going to get a daughter. So i bought 7 years worth of girly clothing on wholesale (best bargain ever) Sorry again for lying to you all those years that its ok for boys to wear stuff like that because i didnt want to buy a whole lot of clothes again.....my bad.
Anyway I may not have been a great father like how my dad was to me (I'm especially adding this point because in reality im really broke) but we've had our moments. You had pretty low expectations from tje family when you were growing up because you were my son and they knew my genes would be in you but then again you proved everyone wrong and you were able to grasp and learn everything quickly. People started saying that you were a brilliant kid. Well nomatter how "brilliant" you were.....you still couldnt beat me in "Mortal Kombat" or "Tekken" on the PlayStation! Ha! So whatever " Brilliant" or "Quick Grasper" you...suck! noob! Bam!
You were quite the clever kid in school. You were actually getting good marks in all tests and distinction in the exams. People were surprised. Heck! I was suprised. I was so surprised that iI took a DNA test.
I was even more shocked when you said you were playing the guitar and not dancing for th school annual day. When i heard that I'm like "Stick your hand out! Im taking some of your blood and we going to the lab right now!! I have no clue who you are!"
But thankfully these were all put to rest when we got complains in the parents teachers meetings when i heard that there have been rumours of you associated with girls, er....spirit abuse, tripping over stuff a lot and a lot more dumb stuff etc etc (I'll leave that to your imagination). When I heard that I had 2 thoughts in my head. One was "Well what do you know..looks like we might be related. " and the other was "meh...amateur"
Also ive heard that you might be taking medicine. Good old MBBS...*eyes rolling* and you must have heard people say about how hard it is and how people are committing sucide and how itll take years to finish. All I can say is...its not worth the buildup. Its easy. Dipshit.
Ok fine so maybe the book is big and maybe examiners have this cocaine fuelled rage in which they ask questions which are not in the portions and they may eventually make you fail. I mean whats the big deal? Theres something called another attempt. You can try again. Its not like after you fail once its game over and they kick you out. Imagine how easy a game is if you can retry retry over and over again. Easy right?. Thats my point. (Ive failed 5 times and counting. Let me see you beat that! noob!).
Yes the mbbs course is many years longer than the other courses. Think of it like this. College is one of the greatest and golden years of your life and you have an extension. Look at all your friends with jobs thinking about how to get apartments for rent whearas you'll be preparing for next months culturals and wondering if the first year girls are going to look good this year!
And Suicide?! A 1023 page textbook with binding is going to kill you? You suck! If you are to give your life. Give it in a cool way like a crazy mutated maniac has a nuclear bomb and you fought him and you took him out of the city and it exploded so you saved everyone. Not because of a pharmacology book! Thats a disgrace to balasubramanians. The only way that book will kill you is if i hit you on the head with it!
Now some boys want advise from their father about talking to girls. The only thing you need to do is just 2 words - Eye contact!!
Now usually people your age will be scared to tell their parents that they have a girlfriend or that they want to marry this girl on the fear that their parents might kill them both. (hahaha. Ill never stop with the honour killing jokes. So dark yet so funny!) No need to worry about that here boy! You should tell me good news like that. Ill be happy. Infact i had a bet with yr mum that you might be gay.........what? Dude! If you saw thr weird stuff you were doing when you were growing up you wouldnt be blaming me. Chiiiilll It doesnt matter just be whatever you are....a bride or groom.....or both.
So moving on lets get things straight (hahaha...get it? straight!) You really dont have to worry about telling me. Thats barely a problem. The problem which you'll face is the girls father. He'll try to act all intimidating and will be really mean to you so that you stay away from his daughter (like bozo from mario). If he does that to you then tell me......ill go and smack the shit out of him till he says yes! Oh even better is after that if you do break up with the girl then tell me.......well go smack the shit out of him together! Woo!
Now ill admit a secret to you. If you are wondering why after I come from work in the night I clean up the full house ,cook and do the dishes. Its because I made a deal with your mother. That i'll do all the house work after I come back from work if I get to name the child. Trust me...It was definitely worth it.
To my dear son Bruce Wayne
From Kaushik Balasubramanian
P.S:Your mum got pissed when i tried to make your first words "Im batman"
(Thanks a lot Shristi for the inspiration for this entry ;) )
**********
Dear son,
If you are reading this then this means that they ripped me off on the vasectomy surgery oooooor I may have forgotten something on a certain night.
First I would like to apologize that you had to wear pink tight t shirts with unicorns for most of your junior schooling. Its because I read the sonogram wrong and I thought that i was going to get a daughter. So i bought 7 years worth of girly clothing on wholesale (best bargain ever) Sorry again for lying to you all those years that its ok for boys to wear stuff like that because i didnt want to buy a whole lot of clothes again.....my bad.
Anyway I may not have been a great father like how my dad was to me (I'm especially adding this point because in reality im really broke) but we've had our moments. You had pretty low expectations from tje family when you were growing up because you were my son and they knew my genes would be in you but then again you proved everyone wrong and you were able to grasp and learn everything quickly. People started saying that you were a brilliant kid. Well nomatter how "brilliant" you were.....you still couldnt beat me in "Mortal Kombat" or "Tekken" on the PlayStation! Ha! So whatever " Brilliant" or "Quick Grasper" you...suck! noob! Bam!
You were quite the clever kid in school. You were actually getting good marks in all tests and distinction in the exams. People were surprised. Heck! I was suprised. I was so surprised that iI took a DNA test.
I was even more shocked when you said you were playing the guitar and not dancing for th school annual day. When i heard that I'm like "Stick your hand out! Im taking some of your blood and we going to the lab right now!! I have no clue who you are!"
But thankfully these were all put to rest when we got complains in the parents teachers meetings when i heard that there have been rumours of you associated with girls, er....spirit abuse, tripping over stuff a lot and a lot more dumb stuff etc etc (I'll leave that to your imagination). When I heard that I had 2 thoughts in my head. One was "Well what do you know..looks like we might be related. " and the other was "meh...amateur"
Also ive heard that you might be taking medicine. Good old MBBS...*eyes rolling* and you must have heard people say about how hard it is and how people are committing sucide and how itll take years to finish. All I can say is...its not worth the buildup. Its easy. Dipshit.
Ok fine so maybe the book is big and maybe examiners have this cocaine fuelled rage in which they ask questions which are not in the portions and they may eventually make you fail. I mean whats the big deal? Theres something called another attempt. You can try again. Its not like after you fail once its game over and they kick you out. Imagine how easy a game is if you can retry retry over and over again. Easy right?. Thats my point. (Ive failed 5 times and counting. Let me see you beat that! noob!).
Yes the mbbs course is many years longer than the other courses. Think of it like this. College is one of the greatest and golden years of your life and you have an extension. Look at all your friends with jobs thinking about how to get apartments for rent whearas you'll be preparing for next months culturals and wondering if the first year girls are going to look good this year!
And Suicide?! A 1023 page textbook with binding is going to kill you? You suck! If you are to give your life. Give it in a cool way like a crazy mutated maniac has a nuclear bomb and you fought him and you took him out of the city and it exploded so you saved everyone. Not because of a pharmacology book! Thats a disgrace to balasubramanians. The only way that book will kill you is if i hit you on the head with it!
Now some boys want advise from their father about talking to girls. The only thing you need to do is just 2 words - Eye contact!!
Now usually people your age will be scared to tell their parents that they have a girlfriend or that they want to marry this girl on the fear that their parents might kill them both. (hahaha. Ill never stop with the honour killing jokes. So dark yet so funny!) No need to worry about that here boy! You should tell me good news like that. Ill be happy. Infact i had a bet with yr mum that you might be gay.........what? Dude! If you saw thr weird stuff you were doing when you were growing up you wouldnt be blaming me. Chiiiilll It doesnt matter just be whatever you are....a bride or groom.....or both.
So moving on lets get things straight (hahaha...get it? straight!) You really dont have to worry about telling me. Thats barely a problem. The problem which you'll face is the girls father. He'll try to act all intimidating and will be really mean to you so that you stay away from his daughter (like bozo from mario). If he does that to you then tell me......ill go and smack the shit out of him till he says yes! Oh even better is after that if you do break up with the girl then tell me.......well go smack the shit out of him together! Woo!
Now ill admit a secret to you. If you are wondering why after I come from work in the night I clean up the full house ,cook and do the dishes. Its because I made a deal with your mother. That i'll do all the house work after I come back from work if I get to name the child. Trust me...It was definitely worth it.
To my dear son Bruce Wayne
From Kaushik Balasubramanian
P.S:Your mum got pissed when i tried to make your first words "Im batman"
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