Oh right. I can see everyone panicking seeing the title. The irony is waaay too much. but i have seen people give all this tips during exams and some people even get paid for those tips. So i thought...let me have a go at this....So here you are
Buy The Books
Trust me. This is a pretty important step. Ive had experience.....
Research with seniors:-
Seniors love showing off that they passed. They will just find any opportunity to give you advice about how to pass the exam...even if you dont want to.
My friend who passed the exam before me would come and ask "Kaushik! This topic? Veery easy! Ill teach this for you" and ill be like "Stay the F*ck away from me before i spray this mosquitoe repellent in your mouth. I'd rather fail than listen to you".... Unfortunately the examiner took that dialogue seriousl! But seriously you should listen to a point or 2 what they say
You must think "Yaaaaa. go to the distinction holders and ask what question should I mark?" No no no no no. Don't you ask them. They wont mark questions. They'll mark books! By the time you finish studying what they marked the exam will finish and results would have come!
You need to go and ask the guys who don't study that great. The guys who make you think "Look at him. Idiot cant even tie his shoelace and he somehow passed pathology. Chai! How? Why?" Go and ask me...chi...i mean go and ask him how he did it and he will explain every loophole like which books the questions come, which day they won't be stric. or which perfume scent the Internal likes or where you can steal the snacks given for the external. All the life hacks we need.
Go to the library:-
Libraries have an amazing phycological effect. When you are in the library you have to mark the time you come and go. Soooo if you are in your room and if you sleep for half an hour or even you go to the bathroom for some 45 minutes (....hey. You have no idea what they mix in restaurants nowadays) youll feel terrible that you wasted so much time buuuuut if you are in the library and you sleep by accident or eat a snack, pass out or make your friend pass out or see a movie for how many hours...you won't feel bad because there is written evidence of you studying in the library register ;). You should WhatsApp that to your parent every night.
Another simple reason is because the girls are there. Heey. I would choose sitting in an air conditioned room with girls than have those gay night study sessions where I'm sitting with a group of guys in the middle of the night wearing minimal clothing due to those God damn night power cuts!
Group study with a guy/girl (Hey. not like theres nothing wrong with that):-
Because....why not? If that doesnt make people study then what will?!
There are have been so many miracle stories about how the guy who doesnt study gets a distinction because of help from a girl......( and sometimes the girl fails but lets not focus on those minor details like that)
Grow a beard:-
This is for both boys and girls. I mean if you are going to be studious you might as well look the part!
Friend:Dude have you studied?
Me:"Oi! Look at my face! Isnt it obvious?! Now have you seen my book anywhere?"
Exam beards > no shave November
Control thy caffeine:-
You know whats worse than alcohol tolerance? Coffee tolerance!
The more coffee you drink everyday. The effect of coffee will stop. The whole point of drinking coffee is so that we can study late in the night .Instead this happens!
You know how we have that habit of drinking coffee in midnight to study. That fail habit in which we plan to go at 12. Start getting ready at 11 45. Call everyone one by one and well go at 12 15. Drink slower than how British people drink tea and then take a few rounds around the same round discussing about how f*cked we are. Confirm that everyone is in the same level as us (If you tell that you've studied then they'll kick you out of the car) and then go back...realise that you sleepy because of the car trip. Convince youself that youll wake up early and put the alarm so that yll sleep for some 45 min and next thing youll wake up at 7 and you'll think "Ok...exam in 4 hours. Need to think of a plan to change my identity and leave the country"
Plan Your breaks:-
Nomatter what you say you cant keep studying for months. There will be those days when you are sick of studying! You just want to burn that book, break a library window, travel back in time and strangle the author of the book. Those are the days you decide to take a day off. Im saying why dont we make that day count! Ive seen people take a day off on wednesday whearas a concert or a trip plan will be on Friday but they won't go saying "studying".
The psychological hack in this is whenever you go out there is small voice in you which is tearing you apart saying "omg! I have an exam and here i am at a yo yo honey singh concert!" (In my defense it was totally worth it) and so that fear can be used to make you study even harder the next day by the time you are back.
The only drawback about this idea is....
Gossip Gossip Gossip:-
The most important quality required for an exam is confidence. Once you have the confidence that you can pass half the work is done. But during an exam time if you are just walking around with a smile or just going to a shop for a snack people will start asking you dumb stuff like "Are you even studying for the exam? It doesn't seem like that. Looks like your enjoying yourself only"
So what you have to do is bring put you acting genes. Whenever people ask you what's up and how preparation is going just start complaining like some grandpa who hates ipads "Omg! Theres so much! Ive tried a revision but i cant even pass the contents. I think im going mad! Im not going to make it. If i kill myself tell my parents i love them and that they should ask refund from exam fees." Then people will be like "Ok he seems tensed. He must be studying" Retarded theory right? Stupidy must be fought with stupidity
Parents you should give a bipolar kind of update about your progress. Make it sound like your confident and screwed at the same time " Yaaa. theres so much... Haven't slept but i can pull it off. This is subject where everyone fails but ddon't worry...im sure i can pass after a 3rd revision" (Translation: Dont kill me if i fail!)
Weight!:
Many people tend to study at home. In a comfortable environment under the posters in their room. But the drawback you study you become hungry. After you learn 2 pages you'll start hallucinating burgers. (Trust me this is more effective than weed) When you are at hostel you get hungry and you plan on where to go eat. Then you can hear your wallet speak "You keep feeding yourself! Why don't you feed me once in a while! Your broke again! Sit down and study! Whearas when you are at home....MUUUUUUUM!!!
Your mother will then bring 2000 calories of "brain food" which will fill up and guarantee you sleep for half a day.
So whenever someone comes back from home from a study holiday theyll look fresh, faaat and i have an intact bowel system. and when you ask if they studied theyll be like "Nope...but i brought sweets from home"
Concentration:-
The most essential of them all. We need to make sure that we are full focussed on our subject and that nothing should distract us. Nomatter what comes....*notification in Pokémon go*...oooh theres a charmander here. Ok ill see you guys later...*leaving the
room*
Buy The Books
Trust me. This is a pretty important step. Ive had experience.....
Research with seniors:-
Seniors love showing off that they passed. They will just find any opportunity to give you advice about how to pass the exam...even if you dont want to.
My friend who passed the exam before me would come and ask "Kaushik! This topic? Veery easy! Ill teach this for you" and ill be like "Stay the F*ck away from me before i spray this mosquitoe repellent in your mouth. I'd rather fail than listen to you".... Unfortunately the examiner took that dialogue seriousl! But seriously you should listen to a point or 2 what they say
You must think "Yaaaaa. go to the distinction holders and ask what question should I mark?" No no no no no. Don't you ask them. They wont mark questions. They'll mark books! By the time you finish studying what they marked the exam will finish and results would have come!
You need to go and ask the guys who don't study that great. The guys who make you think "Look at him. Idiot cant even tie his shoelace and he somehow passed pathology. Chai! How? Why?" Go and ask me...chi...i mean go and ask him how he did it and he will explain every loophole like which books the questions come, which day they won't be stric. or which perfume scent the Internal likes or where you can steal the snacks given for the external. All the life hacks we need.
Go to the library:-
Libraries have an amazing phycological effect. When you are in the library you have to mark the time you come and go. Soooo if you are in your room and if you sleep for half an hour or even you go to the bathroom for some 45 minutes (....hey. You have no idea what they mix in restaurants nowadays) youll feel terrible that you wasted so much time buuuuut if you are in the library and you sleep by accident or eat a snack, pass out or make your friend pass out or see a movie for how many hours...you won't feel bad because there is written evidence of you studying in the library register ;). You should WhatsApp that to your parent every night.
Another simple reason is because the girls are there. Heey. I would choose sitting in an air conditioned room with girls than have those gay night study sessions where I'm sitting with a group of guys in the middle of the night wearing minimal clothing due to those God damn night power cuts!
Group study with a guy/girl (Hey. not like theres nothing wrong with that):-
Because....why not? If that doesnt make people study then what will?!
There are have been so many miracle stories about how the guy who doesnt study gets a distinction because of help from a girl......( and sometimes the girl fails but lets not focus on those minor details like that)
Grow a beard:-
This is for both boys and girls. I mean if you are going to be studious you might as well look the part!
Friend:Dude have you studied?
Me:"Oi! Look at my face! Isnt it obvious?! Now have you seen my book anywhere?"
Exam beards > no shave November
Control thy caffeine:-
You know whats worse than alcohol tolerance? Coffee tolerance!
The more coffee you drink everyday. The effect of coffee will stop. The whole point of drinking coffee is so that we can study late in the night .Instead this happens!
You know how we have that habit of drinking coffee in midnight to study. That fail habit in which we plan to go at 12. Start getting ready at 11 45. Call everyone one by one and well go at 12 15. Drink slower than how British people drink tea and then take a few rounds around the same round discussing about how f*cked we are. Confirm that everyone is in the same level as us (If you tell that you've studied then they'll kick you out of the car) and then go back...realise that you sleepy because of the car trip. Convince youself that youll wake up early and put the alarm so that yll sleep for some 45 min and next thing youll wake up at 7 and you'll think "Ok...exam in 4 hours. Need to think of a plan to change my identity and leave the country"
Plan Your breaks:-
Nomatter what you say you cant keep studying for months. There will be those days when you are sick of studying! You just want to burn that book, break a library window, travel back in time and strangle the author of the book. Those are the days you decide to take a day off. Im saying why dont we make that day count! Ive seen people take a day off on wednesday whearas a concert or a trip plan will be on Friday but they won't go saying "studying".
The psychological hack in this is whenever you go out there is small voice in you which is tearing you apart saying "omg! I have an exam and here i am at a yo yo honey singh concert!" (In my defense it was totally worth it) and so that fear can be used to make you study even harder the next day by the time you are back.
The only drawback about this idea is....
Gossip Gossip Gossip:-
The most important quality required for an exam is confidence. Once you have the confidence that you can pass half the work is done. But during an exam time if you are just walking around with a smile or just going to a shop for a snack people will start asking you dumb stuff like "Are you even studying for the exam? It doesn't seem like that. Looks like your enjoying yourself only"
So what you have to do is bring put you acting genes. Whenever people ask you what's up and how preparation is going just start complaining like some grandpa who hates ipads "Omg! Theres so much! Ive tried a revision but i cant even pass the contents. I think im going mad! Im not going to make it. If i kill myself tell my parents i love them and that they should ask refund from exam fees." Then people will be like "Ok he seems tensed. He must be studying" Retarded theory right? Stupidy must be fought with stupidity
Parents you should give a bipolar kind of update about your progress. Make it sound like your confident and screwed at the same time " Yaaa. theres so much... Haven't slept but i can pull it off. This is subject where everyone fails but ddon't worry...im sure i can pass after a 3rd revision" (Translation: Dont kill me if i fail!)
Weight!:
Many people tend to study at home. In a comfortable environment under the posters in their room. But the drawback you study you become hungry. After you learn 2 pages you'll start hallucinating burgers. (Trust me this is more effective than weed) When you are at hostel you get hungry and you plan on where to go eat. Then you can hear your wallet speak "You keep feeding yourself! Why don't you feed me once in a while! Your broke again! Sit down and study! Whearas when you are at home....MUUUUUUUM!!!
Your mother will then bring 2000 calories of "brain food" which will fill up and guarantee you sleep for half a day.
So whenever someone comes back from home from a study holiday theyll look fresh, faaat and i have an intact bowel system. and when you ask if they studied theyll be like "Nope...but i brought sweets from home"
Concentration:-
The most essential of them all. We need to make sure that we are full focussed on our subject and that nothing should distract us. Nomatter what comes....*notification in Pokémon go*...oooh theres a charmander here. Ok ill see you guys later...*leaving the
room*
Super bro������
ReplyDeleteSuper bro������
ReplyDeleteheeeey. thanks so much! see u next plan ;)
ReplyDeleteBrilliant na! XD
ReplyDeletethank uuuu. take notes ;)
Delete