PSYCH!

      "Madness is only in the mind"
              -Mysterio (The villian from Spiderman)
   
      "I'll be the judge of that mate!"
          -My psychiatry professor

Ok for the record. Psychiatrists will not hypnotise you with a circular object when you come for consultation. So don't expect any spinny trippy stuff whenever you go.

Psychiatry deals with mental disorders. So this is a posting in which you can't diagnose the patient by just looking out of the window.

One interesting part about psychiatry posting is that by the end of it. You'll be convinced that you have a mental disorder. I remember i was taking the history for this mania patient and by the end of it i was convinced that i had mania. She was like "I'm happy most of the time..i really like singing and dancing. I travel alone wherever i want to"
And I'm like "uh huh....ya one more question. Are we related by any chance?"

Dealing with the psychiatry outpatients is totally different from the other outpatients. Other specialities you can just tell them and theyll leave. Whereas here we can't talk much sense into them so we gave to be patient and understanding (and carefuc)
Once a patient started cursing us.
Im like "What do we do now?" And my friend was like "Just don't give eye contact and act like your busy"
Me:"Oh thats easy. I do that every exam with the examiner.

Another problem after posting is we'll start diagnosing everyone we see.
If we see our friend sitting outside and humming a song to himself we'll be like "Looks like hes talking to himself. He must be schizophrenic.......that answers so many questions"

Do you know how in every marriage girls always go to their friends and be like "hey...next is you i think"
Ya ...we guys do the same when it comes to the de addiction ward

A survey/rumour is said that psychiatrists get the most divorces.
My guess is that - Do you know when you have a fight with your wife do you know how we think "God! Confirm she's crazy!"
I think psychiatrists just diagnose them!
"Hmmm. You were happy today morning and then you started showing signs of anger with a short span of time. I believe you are showing symptoms of bipolar disorde....*getting hit by frying pan*

Damn! Imagine you trying to thrash talk a person during a game and and they just diagnose you! There's no coming back from that!
Me: "I'm gonna beat you so bad! Your momma won't recognize you and she'll send you for adoption"
Opponent: "uh huh. I believe that you blame other people's relationship with their parents in order to hide your insecurities with your family"
Me: *wiping tear*....You son of a bitch!

Another big question people have is the difference between psychiatrists and psychologists.
Psychiatry is more about clinical diagnosis.
So if you go with your depressions regarding a breakup to a psychiatrist he'll be like "My God. This is a next level case. For you medication isn't enough. You need shock treatment!"

Have you seen the expression doctors give when psychologists call themselves doctors.
Theyll be like "you think your a doctor? Soooo cute. *Pinching cheek* adorable! You go da rainbow! Be what you want! Cho chweet"

A tip to all the daredevils who are dating doctors. If you ever feel that the conversation is getting dull. Just ask them if they saw anything interesting in psychiatry posting. Boom! They will bring that flashback for some 10 minutes...and that will buy you time to make your escape.

Psychiatrist "This is a very interesting case. It seems like a bipolar case with huge effects of rage. Must be dealt with great caution otherwise you could get injured.
Me:"....er....sir. That's the gynaecology PG"

The Pot of Gold under the rainbow

*warning* the upcoming blog article will be more of a rant than medical puns so plug in your earplugs.

So recently in India section 377 was overturned which meant that homosexuality was decriminalised. 

Naturally that sparks a lot of debate in social media (noone argues face to face anymore)

So my only view about this

HOW ON EARTH IS THIS A DEBATE?!

We have all these people saying it shouldn't be legal. It isnt right or natural.

People say that they are against gay marriages.

Sooo let me get the logic behind this mate!

You are against people......for being themselves?!

 Woo. That sounds like a lot of unnecessary emotion.

Homosexuality is a part of a person's nature. Its who they are.

Which totally doesnt concern you.

My friends have had their insightful views on the situation

"The judgement is not only for members of the LGBTQA+ society, it is for us heterosexuals to understand our responsibility in truly carrying out spirit of the judgment. To be understanding that just a judgement does not change ground reality and how hard it still is to come out to a society, more specifically our Indian society."
 -Champagnemausi

"It most certainly looks like that day when homosexuality becomes accepted in society, is the same day when intercaste marriages will be totally accepted."
-KOPS

People make it sound like some bad habit people picked up in the States or something.

How would that conversation sound "Yo bro. Its spring break. What shall we try? Weed? Meth or heroin?"

Second dude :"I've got a worse idea. Let's date men. Omg. If my parents find out. Theyll kill me? Lets try it"

Really? And i thought I was the dumb one!

People sit and talk about the plight of how homosexual people are. 

I'll put in an easy way to understand

Lets put an alternate universe in which homesexuality is the majority and people are against straight people

So I go to my parents and be like

"Dad I like women"

Dad: Omg how could you? We never expected this from you! How can we tell people outside?

Me: "Oi. Stop making it look like i murdered someone. That's just what I am. I like women. What on earth can you do? Force me to marry a guy against my will? Or kill me? Hehe......oh wait a minute."

Seriously. People will be saying about how there are more homosexual people in foreign countries. The truth is there are as many homosexual people here but they may have been forced to marry someone against the will or heaven knows what?

Now the people who are against the homosexuality. 

The homophobics!

The Sexual Nazis.

 I understand from your side. Maybe you find it unnatural. That it is wrong......cool....ok......THEN FUCKING DONT DO IT!

Mind your own buisness!

Just let people be who they are and who be whoever you are. 

Its not like they are hurting anyone.

So stop spoiling our news feed with yr negative hate statuses you hitler wannabes!

Its a Wednesday afternoon. Don't you have a job or something?

I love another group of people who say "is this is a disease? Is it a psychological disorder"

I as a doctor am fascinated. If this is a disease what is the medication? Are there like some tablets to straighten them out?

So you got to take them 3 times a day? So if you take 2 tablets and i miss one ..does that mean the guy taking it will like women for 18 hours and then he'll revert back to liking men for the remaining hours?

#miraclepillonly

If you want to know what my point is after all this is. - Just let people be who they are. Its their life. Not yours! Stahp!

So my reaction to the overruling section 377 is "About fucking time! What took you so long?" 

Surgery - Magic Medicos XXL

I like surgery better than medicine
*Collective gasps in the audience*
That's right! Yeah! I said it! It was one incident during my internship which made me make up my mind!

It was surgery posting and there were some 6 patients in the ward and after we finished a rather brief rounds me and all the senior doctors started walking somewhere. I'm like "Soooo Sir are we going to the other ward or to the OP" and my PG was like "First we go to the canteen!"

 That's all it took

I remember confronting my medicine PG after that "All those patients we had in the ward!! We had some 50 patients! Did you take me once to the canteen? No! Not a single thought about whether I was hungry it not! For the amount of cases I saw. I should have been taken to a candle light dinner on a daily basis!"

Trust me we take our refreshments seriously!
So me being me would keep on hogging all the food during our canteen visits like some tanned pig (regardless of the fact I did work or not). I kind of impressed them in a way. One girl would be really sincere and she didn't have much of an appetite though so they would be snapping at her like "ya ya. You can give that blood infusion to the patient. Don't just keep on asking random doubts like that in the canteen and disturb us ok?!. Can't you see Kaushik is eating?!"


Another incident in which I knew I was a surgeon was during Medicine rounds when we went to a patient and the PG was like "So in this patient you can hear the abnormal breath sounds. So Kaushik you try listening to it with your stethoscope."
Me: *slowly taking stethoscope from patients chest and putting it around my neck*.....sir I can't hear anything except my own thoughts saying "I feel stupid"
PG: Then your a confirmed surgeon!

Theres that common internet joke about how surgeons are people who do everything but don't know anything. And I'm reply to that all I can say is - We don't need to know anything else! We know the procedure and the required anatomy and that's all we need to know! As for all the other stuff that's why we have you other specialists!

Whenever I see the surgeons repeatedly keep calling physicians for medical opinions. I get this image of these big jocks in college who keep on forcing the nerds to do their homework or they'll beat them up

Now have you seen that scenario where there's this big school bully. And just when he is about to cause more havoc his mum calls him
"Ok boys we are going to that playground and kick all those nerds. Then we go and stick bubblegum on their hair and.....what mum? I have to come for tea? But MUUUUUUUUUM I was about to go play in the park....ok fine. I'll come *walking slowly while sulking*"

That is the same scene when it comes these surgeons and anaesthetists
"OK we can perform a explorative laporatomy on the patient and then we can excise the.....yes ma'am? Patient blood count is low? And loose stools? But MAAAAAAAAM we were about to shift the patient!...ok fine. We won't *walking slowly while sulking*

There are small joys when it comes to operations. Like after a long surgery you sit down and........ That's it. Sitting down!
You have no idea how good it feels.
And those snacks after a long surgery. Aaaah. Outdated samosa and sugarless coffee and never tasted so good.

You want to see something scary? After a long surgery. Tell your chief that there aren't any snacks....then smoke your last cigarette because that's the last thing you will say

These junior surgeons are so eager. They are like those new people in a gang who are eager to go on a mission "sir can I do it? Sir can I do it? I'm ready! I'm ready! I've got my knife sharpened" and they'll have to keep on working up the ranks. Making the cheif happy (and full). Then only he'll get the nod of approval

I know I'm making this sound very chauvinistic. Surgery sounds like its full of men (And ortho is full of men's men...sometimes litetally)
Hey. There are female surgeons too. Big surgeons too.
When I mean big I mean..... Big intimidating she hulks who will probably have more testesterone in their body than you.

So I would finish this by saying. Just like how some people join the police for the car chases and end up having a desk job.
If you became a doctor and want some action or some movement then I would stay away from medicine and join team surgery!
#civilwar